11 August,
03.15
It was a cold breathtaking morning.
I just couldn't sleep, because i had this thought about you...
Then my cellphone's ring..
I picked up, it turned out to be my friend.
He spoke with husky voice.
"You have to help me"
"What happen to you ?", I asked him.
"Well, it's a long long story, do you mind to listen to me all night long?"
"Oh don't you worry about that , i always had time for my friend"
"Okay , i will tell you what happened"
Then he began to speak , still with husky voice..
"Do
you know my ex? I guess i still love her. After all she did to me. I know it
sounds silly. But it began to haunt me all the time"
"Oh dude, it's not silly at all. It's a normal feeling. So, tell me more
please"
"Well,
it's silly because this feeling is coming back for more and more. There's a
time when i lost all my love and joy for her, but then, this feeling is coming
back and it makes me confused. What exactly my feeling for her ? Is it love or
else ? Trust me, it's not good for your mind"
"Yeah ,
i know that"
"You
already know how much i love her? How much i care about her? My sacrifices for her? You know it, dont you?
I took all the risk, i took all the revilement, i took all my heart and soul just
for her. Even though our relationship were not long, i still give all for her.
And then we break up, but we still have a good communication"
"And
then she start seeing other guy. Honestly, at that time i feel so much pain.
Because i think that must be me being on that guy position.
I was try to make her mine again. I give my best. We had a good
communication, we had some fun together. I think my chance were big to get her
heart back. Because when i asked her about her "new guy" , she said
clearly that she wouldn’t make up with that guy. She said she only likes him,
not love him. That makes my faith gone big"
"So, why
weren't you two didnt have relationship back again?"
"I
don't know at all, week after our last phone call. She's changed. She never
text me again. And when i texted her, she reply my message in a short word. I
have bad feeling about that. Seems like she getting closer and closer with that
"new guy". I seek for information through my friends, and yeah it's
true. She get much closer to that guy than before. My friend said that she
preffered to choose that guy after me. Yeaaahh, my biggest fear become true. And
then i'm going to have a face to face talk with her. I asked her what all my
friend said about, she nod her head and said yes. Oh god, my world is hanging
around!
But i asked her to give me a chance to win her heart. She allowed what i asked
to. Even though some of my friends say that she’s not worth to fight that much, i don’t care . I keep fighting and fighting to win her heart back"
"Then
what happened?"
"Well
, after all my blood and tears, she make up with that new guy. I felt sooooo
down. I decided to forget her and move on with my life. I give her a note and DVD as a goodbye present"
"What a
story! Wooww, you have a lot of patience dude. According to your story, i
guess....."
"No
no no no.. it's not finished dude, there's more to come. Hahaha.. but if you
feel sleepy, you can sleep, i dont mind at all.."
"Hahaha.. sorry, i think you are finished with that! I'm not sleepy, so you can continue your
story"
"Months
after months i’ve already forget about her, i can neutralize my feeling. It's
good you know ? I texted her to tell her my life, and asking about her life. At
that time, my feeling for her is pure friend. We are good to each other"
"It's
good after all"
"Then
she broke up with that guy. She said that her relationship is "bored and
uncomfortable". honestly, i feel plain, yes.. plain"
"Let me
guess, i bet that the incident in the past was happened again!"
"Yeaahh
you're right, we get close again. My neutralize feeling is not neutral anymore.
Our relations kind of strange you know? We pretend to be friend, but i know
this relationship is more. I'm not that kind of greedy person. It's just my love
who takes control. She give me strong sign like the old days, but i hoped this
time will be better. I asked her if it's someone that close to her right now.
She always say no one, no one close to her. But i know that there's someone who
like her . But everytime i ask her, she always say she have no feeling for him.
She said thats' not gonna happen! My road is wide open. But still, i dont
believe her 100% again"
"Yeeaahh,
girls will be girls. What say in their mouth, not always shows what's in their
heart"
"You
are right! Even tough she said that's not gonna happen, but it's contrawise
the fact that they getting closer and closer. I'm ready for the worst... and then, BAM!! I am right! My guess is right! She make up with the one she said
"not gonna happen", AGAIN. I know that no one can see the future,
maybe she get melt of the guy’s effort to win her heart, or anything else. I
don't know the reason why . I’m not blaming her, tough. I just wondering why she
do this again to me? Why she always so confident when i asked her about these
guy yesterday? I don't get what’s in her mind, you know?"
"Oh God, then why you're not feeling down this time?"
"Because
i’ve already predicted what will happen after i saw what's going on them! This
time i’ve learned from the past"
"Hmmm.. thats
good! But, if you already know and let her go, then why you said that you
still love her and you doubt about your feeling in the beginning of these
conversation?"
"Yeah, today i looked at her facebook page, and i've got this strange
feeling. I couldn't describe it at all. It's like mixed fruit! At this point i
will say i have no feeling for her. But i'm afraid the feeling is coming back
again and again. So what should i do? Should I leave all things about her?
And ran away for the rest of my life? Or should i just keep this way and hope
that blindful feeling not coming back again? Tell me what should i do?"
"I think you better leave all things about her and start to find another
destination for your heart! No one can guarantee your feeling for her won't
coming back again. Oh please! Dont be like a stupid rat trapped in same way.
You have to leave her for the rest of your life. Pretend that you're not even
recognize her. Stop bleeding your heart for more. She already have her own
life. Don't ruin that! She owns her happiness now. And so do you. If you love someone then she want to go, just let em’ go, for if they
return, they're always yours . But if they don't, they never were. Dude, it's
only my words, my opinion. You still free to think. It's your life. It’s your
own choice. You have to choose with your heart. Heart never lies"
"Okay.
I should think clearly. I just want to be good to her. No matter what, she was
to be my precious. I want the best for us. And i pray for her good life. May
she find what she’s looking for. By the way, thanks to you and your ears for
listening this crab! Thanks for your advice too. So long and goodbye! Catch
you later"
It's 5 am in
the morning when the conversation ends.
I'm still awake. I made tea to keep me warm.
Then i realize, my cell phone’s turn out to be empty since midnight.
I'm freezing inside.....
Then, whom i talked to?
It's strange! Very strange.....
That conversation is real, i still can feel my throat’s dry and
my ears throbbed.
I look at the mirror and see some strange curve. The mirror is
dewy. And there’s many tracks of the face in the mirror. Everything seems in
vague.
Could
it be me, talked to myself in the mirror all this time?
